Ghost of you

soldierzax @ 2007-08-18T09:28:00

2007-08-18T16:32:40Z

Man, I don't even keep up with this thing anymore.

Ed, how're you holding up? How's Al? I got your reply to the comment I left in your journal, but I've been lax on getting back to you. Sorry about that. You know I love you, though.

Anyways, I've started taking up training again. I found the gym again (I swear, it moved) and have been spending a lot of time in there, just working out. I'm out of shape badly. Seriously need to get back into shape. Get out the buster sword, practice with that. Hopefully I can still lift it.

Anyone want to do a mock battle? I've been itching for a fight of some sort, if only just to get myself back into practice.

soldierzax @ 2007-04-05T15:08:00

2007-04-05T22:26:45Z

I've been really tired lately. A bit apprehensive, too. The house hasn't pulled anything since Valentine's, so I'm half-way expecting something new to happen any time. After the attack and then the whole hearts thing, I don't know what to expect. Alright, so the attack was all Xemnas' fault, but still, the house let it happen.

Guess I probably should think on the positive side. Things are going well with Ed. 'Cept there's this new kid around that looks freakishly like little Al. No clue what's up there. =S

Oh, man, there are a bunch of new people waltzing around. Cute blonde girl in a white dress, couple of guys. Hm. Wonder if anyone's showed them around. And don't worry, Ed, none of them are my type and besides, I've settled down since I got here, there's no way I'd do anything that'd end up getting you mad at me or hurting you.

Anyways, I heard Lucia is cooking up a storm in the kitchen. Might pop in and sample what's she's got.

soldierzax @ 2007-02-03T22:17:00

2007-02-04T06:20:11Z

Ed's a Nobody. And it's all my fault! I shouldn't have let him run off alone! Damn it!

What am I going to do? I don't know how I can fix this!

What's AL going to say when he finds out?

soldierzax @ 2007-01-05T15:59:00

2007-01-05T23:59:51Z

Yule was pretty disappointing. I guess I was expecting more of a celebration; there just wasn’t enough umph in that pitiful excuse for a party we had here. Then again, I guess not everyone here is used to the same amount of partying I am. You should have seen some of the parties the SOLDIERs threw back home. Even the great General Sephiroth would get drunk at one of those and he’s damned tolerate to the stuff. I mean, we’d have all the best stuff there: Wutain whiskey, the best brandy from Costa del Sol, and Kalm Town’s finest home brews. Ask Reno because he can definitely back up my claims. He went to plenty of those parties.

I miss Aeris’ home baked cookies. Have I mentioned that recently? Oh, that girl knew how to make cookies. It makes me drool just thinking about them. Ancients, I wish I could have a couple dozen right now.

Anyways, to the serious stuff. I’ve been meaning to ask this for a while now:

Ed, will you go out with me?

soldierzax @ 2006-12-13T14:27:00

2006-12-13T22:27:25Z

Okay, I'm not dead. I've been avoiding human interaction because I'm still miserable, not to mention, I've been ill. I didn't want to get anyone else sick, so I stayed in my room.

Anyone up to some eggnog? I found some in the fridge and thought "Damn, that better not go to waste." I'll even get some rum to flavor it.

After all, what's Yule without eggnog, right?

soldierzax @ 2006-11-23T19:25:00

2006-11-24T03:25:06Z

With Cloud gone, I've been really quiet. I just didn't want to upset anyone with my utter angst that is totally not me. I guess I just wanted some time alone to deal with things, so anyways.

I'm back. Might decide to ask one of the girls here for a date. Maybe Lucia? I don't know. It might be too early to think of that.

soldierzax @ 2006-10-31T15:56:00

2006-10-31T23:56:15Z

Well, hey, it looks like I didn't get too bad of a costume. -sexy dance- Think Cloud would have a fit if he saw me like this. I know some people would. I mean, I look like a male stripper: tight black pants and white cuffs. Just white cuffs. No shirt. Not too bad, like I said.

~Zax

[ooc; chippendale dancer. How fitting.]

soldierzax @ 2006-09-25T15:00:00

2006-09-25T22:03:45Z

I'm bored.

Maybe I can make dinner for everyone sometime...Yeah, that's a great idea! I'll go find Reno and have him help with cooking, since I'm really not supposed to mess with things in the kitchen. Last time I blew up the microwave just by opening the refrigerator. ^^;

Anyone else want to help out?

soldierzax @ 2006-09-06T14:32:00

2006-09-06T21:34:28Z

Why is everyone so MEAN?! -sniffles- I wish everyone would just die so the anger will go away!

-Zax

[ooc; Oh, gods, I have no clue how to write Angst!Zax. This ought to be fun.]

Yessss!

2006-08-13T18:34:55Z

It may be a bit early to celebrate, but what the hell.

Cloud and I are together!

Which means, Ed, I'm sorry, but I'll have to cancel that date. You're cute and fit the criteria for my ideal guy, but Cloud will always be number one for me.

This calls for alcohol ~~and sex!~~

soldierzax @ 2006-08-11T20:09:00

2006-08-12T03:15:23Z

So, there's a cute new kid around. Kinda short, but I like short guys, I'll admit. Blond, gorgeous eyes. ~~Makes me want to jump him~~

Okay, I know I should behave. I mean, yeah. New kid that's really tempting and all, but I did tell Cloud I'd behave because of how we feel about each other. Not that he really remembers. He seems even more distant than before. It really worries me.

But DAMN. Cute, short and blond. Just my type.

soldierzax @ 2006-08-01T03:42:00

2006-08-01T10:42:33Z

[Private to Tifa] So, what’s the plan for Choco’s birthday? And how old is he turning, anyways? All I know is he’s older than me, now. Which, by the way, I find really weird. Oh, and you are inviting that Kadaj kid, right? Because, you know, he and Spike are practically family. Just letting you know, in case you didn’t. [/Private to Tifa]

And since it's a big deal, Reno might have knocked Kamui up. I'm just glad it wasn't me. I mean, I care about Kamui and, damn does he make a hot girl, but I'mjust not a kid-person.

Anyways, have a nice life, Reno. Whatever's left of it by now.

soldierzax @ 2006-05-31T15:54:00

2006-05-31T22:57:32Z

Cloud, we need to talk. I won't let you lock yourself away like this. I don't care what Sephiroth has told you; to me, you're still Cloud and I still love you. Please, Cloud.

~Zax

[ooc; Ack! Sorry, AIM died on me, Kamui!]

soldierzax @ 2006-05-21T02:45:00

2006-05-21T09:58:04Z

No matter what I do, it's not enough. I want Cloud to realise how important he is to me, but every time I try to get close to him, he tells me that he's not worth the trouble, that I'd be happier without him. Why can't he see that I love him and want to make him happy? I've told him that and even after doing so, he says that he doesn't need me, that I'm wasting my time.

It hurts to see him tearing himself up inside. I want to help him forget his pain, help him move forward instead of staying helpless in the past. I can't stand seeing him like this.

-sigh- I can't give up on him.

At the same time, I feel really bad for what I've done to Kamui. He's depressed because of me. I probably shouldn't have let things between us go so far. I should have realised that I would have only hurt him in the end. It's not that I regret loving him, he's a great kid and special. He just deserves someone that isn't hung up on another person. Even when I was with Kamui, I couldn't forget how I felt for Cloud.

Maybe I'm just selfish. It's always about me and what I want. When I got with Kamui, it was because I wanted him. Then, I broke up with him because I wanted to be with Cloud.

Looking back, maybe both Kamui and Cloud would have been better off if I had never entered their lives. I don't regret loving either one of them. My only regret is that I can't help either of them.

~Zax

soldierzax @ 2006-05-18T03:04:00

2006-05-18T10:12:23Z

Oh, man. Not only am I stuck in Kadaj's body, but I think I got Cloud mad at me again.

Just when I though I could actually bring myself to be honest with him about...well...everything. I've been holding back for such a long time and now...if he's mad at me, I won't be able to tell him. Even if I were able to, I'd probably mess things up immediately. I've always been like that. Well...maybe it's better off like that. If I just...leave him alon--wait, I promised him I wouldn't leave him. And I don't go back on my promises. Ever.

Ancients, I want my own body back. I feel so small and helpless. Well, Kadaj is far from helpless. He's pretty strong for being so short. But it feels weird being in this body. I'm just not used to being in a smaller body. Actually, it's kind of dizzying. I think I'm going to go lie down.

~Zax

soldierzax @ 2006-05-15T09:50:00

2006-05-15T16:55:18Z

Well, the dye in my shampoo didn't really do much. I think my hair's too dark to really show any other colour. There's a blue tint to it, that's all. Looks like I was one of the lucky ones. I can't wait to see what colour Seph got. My Seph, not the one with the wing. I want to make fun of him, even though I'm pretty sure Seph would kill me. Heh, it would be funny if his hair turned out something like bright pink. I don't think I'd be able to stop laughing long enough to poke fun at him.

Hm. I think I'll drop by Cloud's room sometime. Make sure he's not starving himself or something crazy like that.

~Zax

Since everybody's doing it

2006-05-10T18:23:30Z

Somehow, I don't think I'm that smart or that evil.

~Zax

-pacing-

2006-05-04T18:58:07Z

Damn it, Sephiroth! I should have known that you weren't that nice! How could you hurt Cloud like that?! Ancients, you're lucky I'm not strong enough to kill you! Because I would, if I were! You heartless bastard!

Oh, I am so pissed. I need a drink. Where's the Wutain whiskey when I need it? I know I found another bottle somewhere. Damn it, I'll kill him. I can't just sit here, knowing what he did. I know I can't do anything about it now, but shit, I wish I had known! Some friend I am to Cloud.

~Zax

soldierzax @ 2006-04-27T12:40:00

2006-04-27T19:49:49Z

Man, people. If you haven't seen Miss Lucia dance, you are missing one hell of a show. She's fantasic. Such a temptress, too! Whoo, boy. I thought I'd die from such sweet temptation.

Odd, though, how much she reminds me of Aeris. I mean, it's not like she looks exactly like Aeris, but she has the same face and the way her hair frames her face...-sigh- I wish I could see her...I just...can't believe that she's dead. I mean...who would want her dead? She's such a nice person and everything. Seph, you're a bastard.

But...this Leon guy...he says he knows Aeris. It's a different Aeris, but still...I just want to look into those green eyes of hers and see that she's alive.

~Zax

Hey, Cloud...

2006-04-17T18:52:44Z

That was taken on my nineteenth birthday, remember? Seph absolutely hated me for taking a picture of him and the whole cheek-pulling thing earned me a weekend filled with nothing but paperwork! -laughs- You knew how to smile back then and I fully intend to get you to smile like that again. Admit it, you were cute when you smiled.

On another note, I'm going to have a long talk with that Fuuma kid. I won't start a fight or anything, just talk. I don't intend on bringing my buster sword (I still have yet to figure out why I have it, but Cloud also has it. It's like there are two of them now), but I'll bring that summon materia I found lying around, just in case. No way he can hold his own against a Bahumut, right?

Kamui, don't worry about me when I go talk to him. I promise I won't get hurt.

~Zax

soldierzax @ 2006-04-04T10:21:00

2006-04-04T17:22:21Z

So, I heard Kamui’s boyfriend has changed from a strong and silent nice guy into an evil, sadistic, bastard. I’ve also heard this has happened before. I really like Kamui; he’s a nice kid. ~~Damn cute, too~~. I don’t like hearing that this other guy, Fuuma, might hurt him. I’ve seen the scars Kamui’s got already and I really don’t want to see anymore on him.

On another note, Reno has finally stopped drinking and moping. Someone had better get some food in him. I doubt he’s eaten in a while. And I really shouldn’t even be allowed near a kitchen. I can’t even heat up leftovers without ruining something; be it the food or the microwave. I mean, Reno can cook for himself and all, but it’s actually getting him to eat it at this point that’s the problem. And we have got to lock up all the liquor. I don’t trust that Reno will stay away from it for long.

Cloud, if you want to talk to me, I’ll come over and talk. I’m sorry I’m so confused about everything, but I’m trying to understand. Believe me. I’m not doing this to annoy you.

~Zax

soldierzax @ 2006-03-06T15:01:00

2006-03-06T23:11:34Z

Met this kid the other day. Kamui. Cute kid. Good in the kitchen. -peace sign- He gave me cake and chocolate, two things I have been craving for months. You just don't come by chocolate often enough in Midgar, or anywhere else on my world.

Anyways. Kamui and I had a nice long talk and got to know each other quite well. I even pierced one of his ears for him! I gave him one of the studs from my left ear. I have too many anyways. Gotta say, it looks good on him! Wonder if I can't find any other earrings in this place. Doubt there's a jewelry shop in this house, but it would be nice if I could get my hands on a loop. Or an earring with a materia stud. I saw one of those in shop in Costa del Sol once. It would have looked good on me. Hell, if I could find one of those, I'd give it to Kamui. He'd look just damn hot with one of those!

Speaking of Costa del Sol, I wouldn't mind going there again, but seeing as we're kinda stuck here, it doesn't look like it'll happen anytime soon. And man, I would love to get a hold of my parents in Congaga. Let them know I'm alive and all.

Anyways. Reno, feeling better? Don't die on me in there. I'll drop by with something for you to eat that isn't ice cream. Can't let you waste away on me, man. Oh, and Cloud, you got your buster sword? Cause I could go for a match. It's really kinda boring here.

~Zax

soldierzax @ 2006-03-02T10:39:00

2006-03-02T18:45:17Z

Well, since I'm here (even though I have no CLUE where "here" is), I might as well make the most of it. However, something that Cloud told me has me a little confused. Apparently, six years and my death have passed for him. I don't remember dying at all. I mean, the last thing I remember before coming here...we were in Nibelheim. Cloud, though, told me that Sephiroth, my best bud, killed me. Well, "bud" isn't quite the right word for it. It was more me being friendly and him acting like a brick wall. Sure, I know Seph's beaten the snot out of me mroe than a couple times, but kill me? He wouldn't do that.

I don't know what Choco's talking about. The boy's confusing.

Reno, I know you're upset, but I know you also can't resist a good bowl of sweet ice cream. Come on out of that room and share a gallon with me and we'll talk. Come on, you know you want to!

~Zax